Unrequited love isn’t something that only happens in movies and novels. Maybe the person you care about can’t meet you where you are emotionally. Perhaps the connection simply isn’t there for them. Or maybe you’ve noticed a pattern of being drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable, something that can be tied to an insecure attachment style.
However you arrived here, having feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same way can take a real toll on your mental health and your self-esteem. Without some intention behind how you cope, those thought loops can keep you tethered to someone who isn’t available to you.
Here are a few ways to begin letting go.
Accept What You Can’t Change
Your feelings are valid. Caring about someone who doesn’t return those feelings is a painful but common part of being human.
At the same time, it helps to practice what therapists sometimes call radical acceptance, which involves acknowledging reality as it is, even when you wish it were different. That can look like letting go of the hope that this person will change their mind or come back to you someday. Try to stay grounded in the present and remind yourself that your current reality isn’t something you can alter right now.
Let Yourself Feel It
Disappointment, sadness, and grief are natural responses to unrequited feelings. You don’t need to act on these emotions, but you can allow them to exist without pushing them away. Trying to suppress them tends to make them louder.
It’s also worth remembering that life is still worth living while you carry this kind of pain. Heartache is part of what makes us human, and feeling it fully is part of getting through it.
Create Some Distance
Even if you hope to stay friends with this person eventually, now may not be the right time. Depending on the situation, you might decide to tell them you need some time apart, or you might simply step back on your own.
Small practical changes can help too. Consider unfollowing them on social media and archiving or deleting photos of the two of you. The goal is to move them out of the forefront of your mind so you’re not spiraling every time you pick up your phone.
Turn Your Attention Toward Yourself
Self-care plays an important role in healing from heartbreak. Spend time on activities that bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment, especially ones that boost your confidence, like hobbies you’re good at or genuinely love. You could also try something completely new that has nothing to do with this person, giving your mind somewhere else to go.
Keeping up with your daily routine matters as well. When so much feels out of your hands, your routine and environment are things you can control. As you build self-care into your everyday life, that steady structure gives your body stability while your mind has time to heal.
Lean on the People Who Care About You
Your friends and family love you, and it’s okay to let them know what you’re going through. Talk to them, listen to their advice, and ask if they’d be willing to support you while you pour your energy into new activities and other parts of your life.
When It Feels Like Too Much
Sometimes the pain doesn’t ease on its own. If you can’t break free from thought loops or fantasies, if you’re not able to live your normal life, or if you’re feeling depressed and struggling to get out of bed, it may be time to talk with a therapist.
Individual therapy can help you process what happened and find your way back to feeling like yourself. Book here for a free 20-minute consultation today to find out more.